Moving sucks. Even if you’re excited about starting a new life in a new home, that bright and shiny glowing feeling isn’t going to last once you get bogged down in logistics. A positive attitude is all well and good, yet still: you’re but a human form earth creature and – as such – you’re going to grow weary of the whole “packing” thing by hour three. And that’s okay! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. The good news is that it’s temporary. Preparation is probably the worst part, the move itself will likely go relatively smoothly, and be over before you know it. Then all you’ll have left to do is enjoy your new home, right? Well…
We’re here as a courtesy. To deliver a warning. A prophetic vision from the future. Though your move may be over your work won’t be, and in one area in particular, you’re bound to have some frustration coming down the pipe. We’re talking, of course, about that moment that you realize you don’t have that thing you need. You know the one. Yeah that one, where is it? Not there, that’s where. There being right where you need it to be. After your next move, you’re inevitably going to realize you don’t have…
Technically speaking, you probably won’t have any food at all. For most people, when they know they have a move on the horizon, they start to dwindle down their food stores without buying anything new because, for some reason, packing a moving truck with food just always feels so silly. Which is why you’ve been sustaining yourself off an old box of pasta shells, olives, and cranberry sauce for the past week. But it’s not a problem because, when you move, you’ll be starting from scratch so a quick trip to the grocery store or a Chinese food delivery is all you need to get going again in your new digs.
One problem though: where’s the mustard? Or the sugar for your tea? And how about some pepper for that spaghetti you just made? That’s right, you don’t have it. Condiments are the kind of thing you don’t notice until they run out, and they also tend to stick around forever as evidenced by the fact that you’ve been gradually working on the same bottle of mayo for the past half year. They’re also the kind of thing that people enthusiastically throw away without a second thought because, when you’re on day 2 of packing, every last shortcut you find is one that you’re absolutely going to take. And that’s how you came to have a full breakfast of hash browns sans ketchup, eggs sans salt, coffee sans cream, and – your personal favorite – toast sans butter. Enjoy!
Alright, maybe you’re the type of person who bought a few sets of fancy wooden clothes hangers back during the Clinton Administration, and you’ve been taking them with you everywhere you go ever since, but for the rest of us, hangers are culprit 1 on the list of items that don’t make the cut come moving day. And it makes sense too because, more often than not, a new closet comes with a supply of gets the job done every time, perfectly suitable plastic hangers. Plenty of folks don’t take their hangers with them when the move and – damn it – it works best for everyone that way. If everyone leaves their hangers behind then everyone has hangers. It’s socialism at its finest.
But with your luck (the bad kind), the bedroom closet in your new home will great you barren. Or with exactly one hanger. Just enough to mock you. It’ll be one of those old dry cleaning hangers that have the paper advertising in the middle that has long grown dark with dirt that you won’t want to touch. You’ll still use it, begrudgingly, on your favorite shirt because you have a gun to your head and honestly you’re just trying to minimize collateral damage at this point. At least until you can get to the store to buy hangers. As soon as you can figure out who sells hangers. Do…do grocery stores sell hangers? If only the previous owner hadn’t taken their hangers with them. But they’re hanging on to their fancy wooden set from times of yearn which will one day be passed on to their children.
You don’t know how it happens, but it always happens. Every time you move, you always try to avoid it. And you could have sworn you packed them this time. But yet the moment always arrives. Irreversible and inevitable like the passage of time. You’ll make a mess and you’ll reach for…nothing. Absolutely nothing. Paper towels, a rag, a broom – none will be available to you. Because none exist in your new home. It’s a mystery how it came to this, yet there you are: a mechanic with all the solutions and none of the tools.
It’s not just items like cleaning spray you’re lacking. You’re going to realize, all at once, just how many things you never paid attention to before that you now desperately need. Items like bath mats and toilet rugs aren’t essential for anyone, but as soon as you realize they’re missing you won’t feel sane until you buy new ones. That goes double for shower curtains, and heaven forbid you commit to a round of serious bathroom business before you realize you never bought or brought toilet paper. You might be marveling at that new marble counter tops and low flow toilet, but all those accommodations are for not if you forgot to invest in TP. At that point, you might as well be in the middle of the woods. Accept, if you were, you probably would have brought toilet paper.