It’s that time of year again, folks! A most festive time. A time of celebration, good cheer, smiling faces, and urinal cakes. We’re talking, of course, about World Toilet Day. Today is the day that we celebrate all things bowel related, and take a look at that most venerable yardstick of human civilization. The porcelain god. The crapper. That tiny lake in your house that carries away all your unpleasantries.
All jokes aside, World Toilet Day was established to get the word out on the importance of sanitation in the developing world. If you’re looking for more information on the World Toilet Organization, click on that link and maybe even consider donating. And, honor of potties the world over, we are doing our part by delivering to you some funny ass looking toilets!
The Mouth of Discomfort
An oldy but a goody. You’ve probably seen this guy before. It’s been making the rounds on the Internet for years, and for good reason. Anyone who walks into a bathroom and stumbles upon this is going to do exactly two things:
1) They’re going to take a picture to ensure all their friends share the horror.
2) They’re going to use it.
They’re going to use it because there might not be any options. They’re going to use it because they’re curious. But mostly they’re going to use it because it’s a urinal which means it was designed for male anatomy, and most men are fully unable to resist the urge to pee in strange new places. Oh, they’ll do it. They’ll do it while frozen in fear with their eyes locked on the cold, dead gaze of this monstrosity pupils as they regret every single moment of their lives that led up to this decision. But they’ll do it all the same.
While we’re on the subject of strange urinals, this portable, plastic, and very exibisionist unit is worth a mention. Divided into 4 separate units for maximum efficiency, this quady – as we’ve decided to call it – comes with a male symbol to clear up any potential confusion and a privacy gate. Because when you’re peein’ in public, the last thing you want is for someone to be able to see your still fully clothed butt. They may be able to see it when you’re walking down the street, but they shouldn’t have to see it when you’re emptying your bladder. We’re not barbarians.
The Pop Up
In American cities, public toilets are none too common, but head to the other side of the pond, and you’ll never be short on places to do your business when it’s 2 in the morning and you’re stumbling home from the pub. Yet, London being London decided that their populace was tired of having to cope with the eyesoar of the loos that lined their the streets at night. The solution? Pop-up toilets that would retract into the streets when not in use. A novel solution with terrifying implications for anyone who’s accidentally exiled to the underworld for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The His and Hers
You know that annoying couple that does absolutely everything together? Here’s the ultimate test of their relationship. They may be inseparable, and they might have those tacky “his” and “her” towels that you see in old cartoons, but are they ready for the his and her joint toliet? Is anyone? Is humanity? One could argue that a sexually active couple is already sharing their bodies with one another, and shouldn’t be too squeamish if they’ve spent years together. But we would argue that if they’re ready to share their private bathroom time together, then they should stop beating around the bush and go ahead and merge into a singular amorphous blob. We would also argue: shared toilets? No. Ew! What is wrong with you?
The one good thing most good toilets have in common is their privacy. Hitting the can is a great opportunity to get away from it all and escape the stresses and rigors of the world. A place for reflection and contemplation. This toilet is not that place. Though the two way windows are designed to allow the occupant to see out without allowing anyone to see in, the illusion of having a nice long sit in an open public square is certainly convincing, and enough to make even the bravest among us feel the twinge of performance anxiety.
The . . . ?
Okay. This…um…hmm. Alright, we’re professionals. We can take a crack at this. What we have here is a toilet that’s been constructed to provide the occupant with the experience of being in the final moments before an epic ski jump. For everyone who’s been halfway down the slopes and thought to themselves, gee, this is great. So exhilarating! But you know what would make this experience even better? If I was also taking a nice, big, dump. And while taking a squat on the slope seems like a surefire way to get kicked out of your ski lodge, you’ll never have that concern again while sitting on your new Ski Master 5000: Brown Edition.